back on the scene

I'm gonna resurrect my site again because i was motivated by jay.  I'll do this as a way to hold out against my space which I will join in all likelyhood but not after a good amount of hating on it. Just like when I hated on the show 24 for half a season because of the seeming implausibility of the real time concept until I finally saw an episode. Now I'm hooked! My college roommate would always talk about how hot 24 was and I would say..." I don't understand how that show could be hot. Is there like 8 episodes where it shows the character sleeping in his bed, followed by the shower and getting dressed episode?" I didn't know about the whole impending terrorist attack thing... Bottom line...Yes, I hate on things and then I begrudgingly join and later worship the very thing I was hating on. Hypocricy can be fun.

And so is spelling! At least it was fun in the movie Akeelah and the Bee (I saw it last night).  I can't spell for shit but that movie made me wish I was even nerdier than I was in middle school. I could have been a spelling champ. I could have been a contender. For the record, its a formula type movie but its done quite well and is very enjoyable. And I learned some new words and then promptly forgot how to spell them.

Rize looks like it might be the hottest movie ever:

http://www.davidlachapelle.com/film.shtml

Go see Crash so you can see the preview--an added bonus to watching confused racist people fight, moleste, kill, and sell each other for 2 hours. I can't wait to see it. Rize comes out June 24th but I might be in South Dakota that day and the last movie about black people that was playing in theaters there was probably Birth of a Nation. Well...maybe Soul Plane came out there. You never know.

I have a personal trainer now so maybe one day I'll look like the woman on the film poster. A little less jelly for the doughnut.

Side note #1: I think I'm going to start using the phrase "You people" whenever I talk to somebody. It's gonna be fun.

Side note #2: What not to say during a job interview...

Interviewee to prestigious professor and ACLU fellow: "I have not read any of your work but I did read your bio on the Columbia website."

Oh and it sucks when interviews are conducted in cubicles instead of offices unless you are a bored employee who is evesdropping.

Daily New York newspapers are so ridiculous. I think I might start collecting them so I can read them whenever I need a break from relevent, sense making things. Take today's front page headline in the New York Post:

VEST SAVES LIFE! Cop Shot three times but lives!!

pictured below is the smiling cop and a vest.

Why is this news? Bullet proof vests are supposed to save your fucking life. When a cop gets shot and dies because the bullet proof vest was faulty--then thats some news. Here are some alternate stories this newspaper should run:

AIRBAG SAVES LIFE!

SUBWAY POLE KEEPS MAN FROM FALLING IN TRAIN!

ASHTRAY KEEPS FLOOR CLEAN

In yesterday's free newspaper Metro there was a story about Tom Cruise and Katie Holms. It's headline read

90% OF PEOPLE THINK THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS A SHAM

really thats what it said and it was great.  

Oh and I was actually in  yesterday's newspaper in between a story about Christian Slater getting arrested for groping a woman in a bodega and a statutory rape story:   http://parex.metro.st/ftp/20050601_1000042.pdf -look on page 6

I'm happy there is so much nonsense about. I'm considering going to write for one of these outfits.

My next post will be on why New York needs a Tourist Police Force and why I ought to run it.

I love the lawyers here:

From: Corey Stoughton Sent: Wednesday, May 04, 2005 5:09 PM To: Ben Wizner; Vincent Warren; Reginald Shuford; Catherine Kim; 'Udi Ofer' (E-mail); Megan Haberle; Shanti Hubbard              Subject: Hoes v. Hos

And the award for the most unromantic song EVER goes to Wait (Whisper) by the Ying Yang Twins for its notable chorus:  

Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick
Wait til you see my dick
Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick
Imma beat dat pussy up
Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick

Wow, this song brings me back to the time when I was walking around the East Village and some man in a trench coat came up to me and was like "hey!" and then showed me his penis. Such a wonderful experience. Thank you to the Ying Yang Twins for bringing the freaky scary exhibitionist man on the street into a club environment. Women get really excited about seeing random penises--I know I do. I can hardly contain myself when the promise of seeing a dick is offered up. Maybe they will make a sequel of What Women Want and Mel Gibson can go around flashing people. Hey wait..I'd actually go see that movie. I think I'm gonna make a remix of Wait (whisper) with the chorus "Ay fool! Wait till you see my restraining order" or "Wait till you see my fist flying straight towards your mouth not only because your saying nasty shit but also because I don't want your stank breath all up in my ear."

I will say there are a few men who could get away with walking up to me in a club and whispering "Ay bitch, wait till you see my dick":

Tyson Beckford, David Beckham, Antonio Sabato Jr, Gael Garcia Bernal, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush

The first four are just so fine that yes, I would like to see their dicks. Bill Clinton--cuz well I could really see him doing that and it would still be cool. George W. Bush-I'd really like to see what the man is working with--I'm sure its really small given his propensity towards large tax cuts, weapons, wars--clearly he is overcompensating. Oh yes and his stiff ass fake smiling wife--she needs to get F%ed by a big cock. 

I digress...Thank  you Ying Yang Twins for your contribution to American culture. I'm just waiting for Chappelle's Show to do a skit on this.

The runner up award for scariest, most unromantic song EVER goes to Invisible by Clay Aiken, American Stalker Idol Winner.

Whatcha’ doin’ tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who's stealin' your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room